a&e's story.

3 years ago this week, my water broke in the doctor’s office. i couldn’t believe this was really happening. i was only 32 weeks. i had a lot of time to think about this exact moment…when & if my water would break…how the delivery would play out…the moment audrey & ellie would be born.
for the 6 weeks prior to this, i had been lying in a hospital bed, contracting every few minutes, hooked up to all kinds of drugs to stop the contractions. every few hours, i would be poked & prodded & checked & rechecked & monitored, hoping to keep these babies inside of me. preterm labor was the pits. not only that, but dr. d thought i had twin to twin transfusion syndrome, so they were watching me like a hawk!
back then, everyone referred to them as baby a & baby b. my sister & i would spend hours on the whiteboard trying to figure out their names. avery grace? eleanor june? it’s hard enough naming one baby…so much pressure naming two. the nurses could never find their heartbeats right away (which usually scared the poop outta me), but as time went on in that hospital, i came to realize that they would indeed find those heartbeats. i had a few rascals on my hands :)
days in that hospital bed went by oh so slow. i had a few visitors trickle in & out every day, but tim, my sister & my mom were the constants. they would come daily, & just hang out in the hospital chair next to my bed. i have so many good memories in that hospital…good long chats, wheelchair rides, awesome cafeteria food, *cough,* many tears. i met my very favorite “mag-hag” roomy, sheerah, who would keep me company on those long days where nobody could come visit (oh, & her parents would bring the best home cooked meals EVER). we would play cards & chat & get yelled at by the nurses to get back in bed. we both cried when it was time for me to go…true story.
being an hour away from home made it hard to see my friends a lot. tim was by my side every evening after work until i couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. usually he’d kiss me goodbye & i would cry...wanting so badly for this nightmare to end. that was the routine. then he would drive down the street, where his grandparents graciously lent him their trailer parked in their driveway, so he could be close to me. he even bought me the gilmore girls series to help the time pass. i still get emotional when i hear that theme song.
by 7 o’clock i was being wheeled into surgery. an emergency c-section is not what i had pictured this moment to be like. it was a whirlwind of emotions, not enough time to process what was actually happening. all i remember was a whole lot of doctors with worried looks on their faces whisking my baby girls away..first audrey, then ellie. there were no sweet baby cries, no first warm, wet embraces…just the doctor trying to keep tim and me calm by saying how beautiful they were. they whisked tim away with the babies. tim kept asking me what he should name them...i had no clue. audrey & ellie weren't even top on my list of names, but that's what i picked that day. tim had no clue what name to give what baby. eenie meenie miney moe? i remember the first time i was allowed to see them. they were so tiny…3 lbs each. there were so many tubes coming out from every direction. ellie had a concaved chest, audrey, a hole in her heart. they were not breathing on their own. but, man oh man, were they gorgeous...& they looked just like an audrey grace & an ellie joy should :) ...to be continued.