the campfire story.

this story is so beautiful. and could not have come at a better time for me. it brought me to tears because this guys words are what i crave more than anything in life. community. people building their stories. openness. vulnerability. no walls of defense. even if we've been hurt. some of my favorite parts [his words, not mine]: -------------------- worship is for every human being in this planet. in the kingdom of God there are no outsiders. we need to be careful to not allow hurt or cynicism to keep us from church, otherwise we end up like a branch taken from the fire, lifeless & cold. i know the pain we experience in life can be overwhelming,  but we aren't meant to go through it alone.
the cross changes everything. we so desperately need the breath of God to bring us to life & light. Jesus wants to set the church on fire so the world can warm themselves around us and find light & safety. we are here on earth to be a home & refuge for the lost & broken. but first, we must learn the art of togetherness & celebration. we are the church. we are the hope on earth. to be on a journey as God's family, going through the highs & lows of life, suffering & laughing together that's what i want. not some holy huddle where we all pretend everything is okay, but a real community who believes in the God of miracles. but also in the God of the trials. that's what the world needs too! -------------------- AH. i've listened to it so many times. and i can cry a huge YES to it all. so gooooooood. praying this for myself.  and for you too. can you tell i struggle just a bit with church today? a story for another day. :p pssst! you can buy their cd here. 

hi.

drinking iced tea. lots of iced tea.

feeling numb, blah, anxious, stir crazy in my heart (but totally found by Jesus! yay!)...more on that later, maybe.

appreciating this stage of motherhood. & my hardworking husband that gives me the gift of staying home with them everyday.

reading Jesus Calling, by sarah young. such a good daily dose of Jesus. i need more Jesus.

watching the hunger games for the first time. holy-terrifying-movie-of-my-life-batman. why didn't anyone warn me?!

going on a spontaneous, unplanned road trip friday for tim's hockey tournament. arizona heat or bust. gonna [hopefully] & FINALLY! meet my favorite heather, too. she happens to live 20 minutes away. so excited.

starting to get excited for my birthday. come on, june! let's do this, 32!

dreaming of our summer adventures. 

waiting expectantly. (kept this one. i liked it.)

praying hard prayers. & that i don't throw my kids out the window on our road trip friday. & that my mom doesn't throw me out the window. & that tim has a safe flight & doesn't leave me with all these darn kids! hah!

sleeping in 'til 9 for 3 more months. dreading first grade when those days are finito.

remembering that God forgives me again+again while i figure it out. thankful for that.

wondering why my dear sweet eden will not nap today. ive tried FOUR TIMES. and still, she sings in there. maybe it was that coke she stole from me at lunch? sigh.

wearing a bandana & a huge arse pimple.

making a blog banner for my design giveaway winner!

getting addicted to costco's frozen banana slices. i've only had 2 packages today. derp.

loving this post. still. also, this one was so good too. had me thinking about my girls.

enjoying packages in the mail! (ditto!) oh, & sunshine. i'm really enjoying my backyard in the sunshine.

thankful.

*post inspired by a new favorite blog read, http://tarajill.blogspot.com

tired, yet thankful.

sometimes i let the woes of the world get the best of me.
today was one of those days.
i wish there was a way to shut off my brain sometimes, you know.
'cause it's tired.
tired of worrying about the what-ifs & whos-whos.
tired of thinking about all of the pain & suffering people are enduring all around me.
tired of seeing family & friends broken & hurting.
tired of hearing my ellie cry every night 'cause she's all of a sudden scared of the dark.
tired of not being able to keep up on the housework.
tired of planning it all & not finishing well.
tired of the small mishaps all day long.
(like my washing machine overflowing twice tonight & flooding my garage with no husband home to fix it).
tired of reading about cancer & how many lives it steals.

tired.

but then i am gently reminded of a God who never grows tired.
never grows weary.
who begs me to cast my cares on him.
'cause he cares for me.

and then i am a puddle of tears in my lap.

oh, how many times i've heard that verse.
and still it means the same.

verse.
after verse.
after verse.
after verse.

and a ton more!

like water for my thirsty soul.

so why does it take me so dang long to give it him?
Lord, forgive my stubborn, stony heart.

so tonight, i'm gonna choose joy & thankfulness instead.

thankful for old friends & new and all the life they bring.

thankful for a stubborn third child who brings me so much stinkin' joy it's crazy.

thankful for my twins that will always have each other for a good laugh.

thankful for my husband who keeps me going. & loves me even when i'm not me. he's so good with me guys, it's ridiculous.

thankful that my kids get to hang out with their great grandparents. so rad.

thankful for my mom & her 62 years of life (& that she happily saves me in my meltdowns as my washers overflowing).

tired, yet thankful.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV

g'night friends.
thanks for listening to me ramble.
xo

some things.

business is booming. i'm almost booked up 'til february! & i need to update my portfolio desperately. [the thought alone gives me the willys. on my to-do list though]. but how cute is the vanilla tulip's latest design? love her. chalkboard is the new chevron, ya'll :) i'm thankful for this gig. allows me to have eden tearing things apart at my feet. hah! and have some extra cash to buy a new bikini in the middle of winter. missing summer SO bad right now.

speaking of business. i got the itch to re-do the walls of my bedroom the other day. so without leaving the house, i whipped up a new print, moved some things around, & voila. fresh new space. you want to see the print, you say? you want it for yourself, you say? okay, fine. here you go. i was totally inspired by a few prints i purchased from caravanshoppe recently. 5 bucks? huge print from staples for cheap? done. [that's the problem with having your hands on so many cute fonts. you see something, & you're like, i could totally make that...but that would be copying..and..and..ahs well. for the record, i did not copy this print. lol. just the saying from pinterest. so there.] save this bad-boy on a cd or stick. take it to staples & ask them to print it on their large format b&w printer. will cost you a whopping 4 bucks. mine is 24x32." but you can print whatever size you like!

for personal use only. download here.

some horrible quality iphone pics, just so you can see it in action.
plus, i made my bed today. it needs to be documented.

what else? oh! my devotional this morning was so good. a few goodies from yesterday to chew on.
life with me is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties.
joy is the result of faithful trusting acceptance of my will, when it seems not joyous.
joy is the daughter of calm.
joy is the daughter of calm! i like that. so much.

praying for more calm in my life. and more joy.

and todays was about finding rest in the Lord.
rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him. psalm 37:7
God Calling. go get some. it's free!

and this.
so much to be thankful for.
even when my kids are still sick & i'm so stir crazy i could.....@#$%&!
even when i know i caught their stupid cold, but i'm in serious denial.
tim's finishing his last week of hazmat school this week. so happy!
and a&e go back to school on monday.
life is good. snotty, but good.

complete in him.

I am the culmination of all your hopes and desires. 
I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last; who is and was and is to come. 
Before you knew Me, you expressed your longing for Me in hurtful ways. 
You were ever so vulnerable to the evil around you in the world. 
But now My Presence safely shields you, enfolding you in My loving arms. 
I have lifted you out of darkness into My marvelous Light.

Though I have brought many pleasures into your life, not one of them is essential. 
Receive My blessings with open hands. 
Enjoy My good gifts, but do not cling to them. 
Turn your attention to the Giver of all good things, 
and rest in the knowledge that you are complete in Me. 
The one thing you absolutely need is the one thing you can never lose: My Presence with you.

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
⁶ Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
⁸ Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8

I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” Revelation 1:8

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not changelike shifting shadows. James 1:17

[from The Jesus Calling, Oct 11]

complete in him.
like a love letter written straight to my heart.
still learning.
everyday.

ps. did you know there's a jesus calling app? me. neither. until yesterday! thank you, mrs. lilley. :)

i will go where you will lead me, Lord.

i've been in a funk for months.
it's no secret.
i think it's going around, these funks.
a weird, hazy, unexplainable funk.
but a stirring at the same time.
see, weird.
facing fears.
letting go.
holding on again.
running away.
trying to figure things out myself.
weak moments.
lost moments.
desperate for his strength moments.

and then today.
this song.
called me higher, sung by my all time favorite band.

let's just say i was a puddle of tears on the floor.

go listen to number four. then number six. whoa. [they're all so good. their first cd changed me. go buy it.]

hearing Jesus call me out of my weakness and into his strength.
[leslie's words, from all son's and daughter's, not mine]

oofta.

i couldn't not share it with you.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

i could just sit
i could just sit and wait for all your goodness
hope to feel your presence

and i could just stay
i could just stay right where i am and hope to feel you
hope to feel something again

and i could hold on
i could hold on to who i am and never let you change me from the inside
and i could be safe
i could be safe here in your arms and never leave home
never let these walls down

but you have called me higher
you have called me deeper
and i'll go where you will lead me Lord
but you have called me higher

you have called me deeper
and i'll go where you will lead me Lord
where you lead me

i will be yours, oh, i will be yours for all my life

so let your mercy light the path before me

cause you have called me higher 
you have called me deeper
and i'll go where you will lead me Lord

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

like it was written for me. at this very moment.

thank you, Jesus, for always meeting me right where i am.
for gently pursuing me, finding me, forgiving me, telling me what i need to do to change.
you've never failed me.
and you never will.

and if you don't know this Jesus i speak of, please find me. email me. call me. i would love to tell you about him.
and if you're one of those in a funk, i would love to pray for you too.

life.

there are times that i think too much.
and stress too much.
and cry too much.

and there are times that i laugh too hard.
and smile too big.
and dream so loud.

there are times that my iphoto gallery flashes before me and i get that feeling.
that feeling of deep gratitude.
a feeling in my throat, that, oh my, this is going way too fast.
a feeling of wanting to hold on to time.
also, a feeling of pure jump-up-and-down joy.
watching all of those pictures flash before my eyes of life.
blurry pictures. good pictures. "delete-able" pictures.
but, nonetheless, our life. in pictures.

sometimes i also get a feeling of overwhelming emotion, that this is it.

truth is, i have one life here on earth.

with these people.

with my kids.

my family.

my hands+feet.

my voice.

even though only God knows my days, it scares me sometimes.

it gives me a gulp in my throat that i'm not doing enough, being enough.

ALL LIES.

there are times that i'm guilty.
there are times that i need a re-do of my day.
there are times when my heart is hard+stubborn.

and then i see pictures flash before me & i am gently reminded why i live.
because HE lived. and loved....
lil' ol' me.
first.

and all i need to do is love Him back.
and love people.
love my kids.
love my neighbors.
so simple.
yet so hard.

so no matter how many people are hurting, and tired, and broken...
[and man, are there a lot these days]
no matter the happy days.
or the sad...

no matter how clogged with crap my brain feels a lot of days...
i'm gonna keep taking pictures.
keep holding onto Jesus through the throws of life.
keep dreaming of heaven.
keep loving the people God puts in my path.
keep thanking God for each new day.
the good & the bad.
the blurry & the happy.
knowing & believing that i don't always have to understand why He gives & takes away.
keep trusting HIM.

as long as my life screams His name at the end of the day, whatever the cost, it will be worth it all.
Lord, make this the cry of my heart. change me. turn my words into actions.

that's what i want in this life.
HIM.

[and there's some random thoughts, straight from my head, for this lovely thursday.]