after 6 months in the process...
over 10 weeks of insane backgrounds...
medical evaluations, interviews, tests, physical agilities...
late nights, long days, no sleep...
even after a phone call with a conditional offer to work there,
with the academy being 10 days away...
even after filling out all the paper work...
tim is no longer in the process for newport beach fire.
game over.
just. like. that.
he called in yesterday & they old him he failed his psych.
come again?
yes, you failed your psych.
how do you fail your psych?
how does a psychologist pull the plug afer 6 long months in one small evaluation?
after passing your background? after passing your medical? after jumping through every single hoop?
we don't know either.
unbelievable.
even though tim is heartbroken, & i can't stop crying, we are choosing to hold onto this verse:
[rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. thessalonians 5:16-18]
we don't know why this happened. we don't understand why God allowed us to almost taste this dream. we don't know why the rug was pulled out from under this last minute. BUT, we do know, that God knows. God cares. we still trust that he is going to put tim exactly where he's supposed to be. and even though some days it's hard to actually believe that, & to live that, we know what his Word says. & we choose to hold onto that hope.
so instead of moping today,
and even though this is one of the hardest things we've faced together,
we're choosing joy.
we're choosing peace.
we're choosing to be thankful.
& when we get sad & bitter again, cause we will, we'll run right back to what God says.
we're learning to trust him with all our hearts,
lean not on our own understanding...
in all our ways acknoweldge him,
Lord, please, direct our paths.
man, is learning hard sometimes.
15 comments:
I love you
i am so so sorry
i know how much this has meant to you guys and how extremely disappointed you are...
i am amazed at your desire to hold on to thessalonians 5:16-18 so quickly after the disappointment.
i am praying for you guys!!
you are so loved!
i wish i could send you health insurance!!! have you checked out iehp?
xoxoxoxoxoxo
love you
wish i could hug you!!
Clever title, unexpected sad sad story. I'm in shock after reading this cause I was counting down the days to congratulate you, via my mom through your mom. So so sad and sorry for the unexpected disappointment. Hang on to eachother and your prayers. Will be sending a prayer your way... now. xoxo!
molly. i have never even met you and i'm trying not to let the tears fall over cause i had a good mascara day. i feel like i can relate to the exact words you wrote about when we were a day away from escrow and we found out our loan didn't go through. it's like a shock to the system when something you thought was right turns out wrong. it doesn't make sense. i guess looking back now, i see why god didn't want us in that home even though i still don't understand why he chose to take it away from us. it feels like we put so much heart, soul, energy, money, and time into that home - probably the way tim did with this job.
the best thing i've learned over the last couple of years is that psalm 23 says that we walk THROUGH the valley. through it. we're not stuck in it. there's a beginning and an end. and the middle sucks sometimes but luckily, you'll come out on the other side. and i believe you'll be better because of it.
i will be praying for you this week. loves.
I remember a few months back when Pastor Gary reminded us to "give thanks IN all circumstances not FOR all circumstances" and it seems like you are right where you should be.
I will be praying for peace and joy and a thankful spirit to rain down upon your household and cover you all in this time of such sadness! Know that the Lord is pleased with your choosing HIM in this time!
oh molly my love.....
my heart is hurting for you. but, at the same time, i am so very proud of you and tim for holding fast to the Lord. its a hard thing during times like this - so confusing....wondering why.... but you know its in His hands. you know He'll bring you through this. you know His plan is better than anything we can come up with on our own.
Molly - lean on Him, His word, in prayer..... lean on your friends and family....and together, you and Tim will GROW through this.
i'm saying a prayer as soon as i push publish. and of course, i will continue to pray for you my sweet sweet friend.
love you girl.
I am one of your many secret followers whose heart flutters every time i see a new post of yours. i wanted to comment on your post about the girls in preschool and the song 'brown bear', i work with kids with special needs and have that song stuck in my head EVERYDAY. I wanted to comment on how alive fall makes you feel, because i feel the same; like God has given me new blood. But i'm afraid that you'll think i'm creepy, cause lets face it i am, but this post i needed to comment on. I lost my job about a year ago and was in your SAME spot. Aching for clarity and to choose God in my immense fear and anguish. It was one of the hardest thing we have ever gone through, and has made my walk with Christ that much more intimate, but it is painful. it is exhausting. it is heart breaking. I am truly sorry for your trials and will be praying for a strong heart and strengthened marriage. - Casey
Oh Molly. I've been praying yesterday and today. Lorie and I prayed at the park together yesterday. This was not the news we were hoping to hear and I can only imagine the anguish. I admire this post more than you will ever know. You are shining brightly for Christ in this trial. You are a beacon of hope for many out there.
It's almost too bizarre for words, that the psych did not pass him along. Maybe God is saving Tim from certain disaster that we can't see on this side of heaven. It makes no sense. My heart is heavy for you both. You are both so awesome, I have NO DOUBT whatsoever that you will make it through this valley...like Katy said...
Love you and will keep your heart and soul in my prayers double time.
I'm praying. I'm crying. Continue to lean on Him, beyond our understanding. His will, His purposes, His plan is SO MUCH BIGGER than we can imagine.
I hate learning these lessons. I'm so sorry you have to. I've thought about you ALL day not knowing, but not wanting to bug in case it was this news.
God will carry you and Tim through this. And like Davi said, God is protecting you and Tim, though it just seems like rejection.
But your His. You both. You belong to Him who knows our hearts and our deep needs and desires, and He WANTS to meet them. So this just means that something deeper, better, sweeter, is coming. He is refining you. Calling you to walk what you preach. I know you can do it. And will praying for you, for the strength to do it.
I love you.
oh my Molly. I'm so so sorry to hear this. Such heartbreaking news after all this time and all Tim's hard work, all those expectations. I wish I could give you a big ol' huge hug right now!! and then I'd give you another one, right after that one!!
But I love your attitude and your trust, I love how you two are choosing to view this through the lens of thankfulness and gratitude instead of bitterness and complaining. God is good. He is GOOD. no matter what.
Someone once told me, "The only reason God ever says 'no' to those He loves is because He has a much greater 'YES' waiting for them around the bend." Amen!! sweet dear wonderful friend, I cannot WAIT to see what God's "YES" is for you and your Tim!! :)
you know I'll be praying lots and lots for you both. Keep on leaning on our amazing and perfectly providential God. I just LOVE you.
my heart is breaking for you, but also rejoicing that He is drawing you closer to Himself.
I found myself praying the same prayer this week, as we got robbed while we were in sri lanka & was just so discouraged and confused at God's path for us. why did He bring us here to lose so much & to be so attacked by Satan in every way possible? i don't understand, but His ways are not our ways & His thoughts are not our thoughts. thank goodness! haha i'd hate to serve a God who cusses in his head as much as i do ;)
praying for overwhelming peace in your hearts & for guidance/direction. hang in there!
Molly & Tim---heart breaking just doesn't seem to describe it!! That's just unbelievable?!?!? All on a psych-eval, funny part is the psychologists are the crazy ones! From the excitement at The Mill to this, horrible! I truly am so sorry & you will for SURE be in my prayers.
The beauty of what you wrote, what others have said to you--is that it's TRUE, God is faithful, alive, active, & all knowing & has major plans for you! It might seem bizarre but most likely Newport wasn't right for Tim & the family.
My prayer for you will be that the Lords plan for you will be illuminated so that you may see the light on the horribly dark path at the moment, for there is light because God only desires good for us!
Choice is powerful, & your decision to choose joy, thankfulness and peace in this overwhelmingly hard situation will be rewarded.
Too much of my heart is filled with love for you guys & it hurts to see you guys in pain, so you will be in my prayers & you know that if I had Jenni's Firehouse Tim would be over here in a heartbeat! I wish there is something I could do, so if there is anything let me know!
XOXOXO
Oh Molly, I'm so so so sorry! But it just makes my heart want to pop with pure joy to watch as you hold fast to God and His word during this rough time! Our God is sovereign and uses all things for His glory! It is such a blessing to watch you embrace that sovereignty, even when it doesn't make sense! Love you my friend! You and your beautiful family are in my prayers!
Molly honey-
I JUST read this. So, so, so hard.
I'm sorry. It's so hard growing up and learning. I'm praying for you and your hubby today. That's God's Word would bring you comfort & that He would renew your spirits & perservere you guys through this.
Keep us updated. xo & love.
oh molly, i'm just now reading this and i am so so sorry that you guys are having to go through this time of heartache...that something you were so counting on and so looking forward to, something that was right in your grasp was taken from you so suddenly. reading your words made me sad for you, your heavy heart and your disappointment was palpable BUT so was your inspiring steadfastness to choose to hold on to God's word and his promises... Ever since I was led to your blog long ago, I've admired and looked up to you and this post has only reiterated the reasons behind my feeling that way. It makes me sad to see you sad but I can't wait to see what God has in store for your family around the corner <3
You all are in my prayers, xo
I realize I'm months and months behind on catchup and I'm two months behind on this post but I just wanted to say how deeply sorry I am for the circumstances of this situation. I can't imagine how painful and devastating it must have been to hear that. How confusing. How heart breakingly unfair.
God is so good. Even when we don't understand. Even when we don't WANT to understand because we see a "better" way. Who knows what he has in store for you... this week, this month, or even five years from now. It is so hard to understand why He seems to direct our lives down certain paths, only to close doors in most unexpected ways. But through every storm, a greater purpose is served. Be it building character, ministering to others, or bringing us closer to Him.
I'm so, so sorry for everything you and Tim have had to go through only to have this specific door closed. I know it doesn't make sense. And I hate the pain that you have had to go through.
You are in my prayers! Love, love, love you guys!
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