dear ellie,

the other night, about an hour after i had tucked you & your sister in bed, & i swore you were sound asleep, i heard a noise. your daddy was working overtime at the station, so i was a lil' on guard if you will. i tiptoed down the stairs & noticed the light in your room was on. strange.

i opened the door, & there you were. in your closet. stripped out of your pjs. with a fresh pair of backwards underwear on. trying to put on those favorite ugly shoes that you love. audrey was dozing peacefully, even though you had loaded her bed to the brim with every toy in your room.

you looked at me & said, "hi mommy!" as you went about your shoe business. the blogger in me should've taken a picture, but in the moment, i wasn't amused.

i had the evening all to myself.
& i was watching a favorite movie.
& now you were in my bed hyper as can be.
& you stayed there until almost midnight jumping all over me.

but after i got over the fact that i was sharing my night alone with a toddler jumping in my bed, i was able to enjoy you. all to myself.

& that funny thing you do with your moon eyes when you try & be serious.
& how you won't let me do your hair anymore, so you just look like a lion everyday.
& how stubborn you are. man, are you stubborn.
& how you try & tickle my face nice & soft just like i tickle yours.
& how you kept rolling over just to look at me & make sure you were really still in my bed when you knew you were supposed to be in yours a long time ago.

i really like you, ellie joy. even though yesterday, & the day before, & the day before that, i swore i was gonna drop you off at the nearest orphanage & come visit around christmas time.

i think i'll keep you another year.
lucky you. er me.

love,
your mom

p.s. audrey just came up the stairs & gave me 3 kisses in a row for no reason at all. she didn't wanna be left out, ya know? i really like her too. but you already knew that. i'm so lucky. :)